Why Do I Bother?

by : naekole

In the sun, I watch it rise as the rain trickles down my skin.

I still cant wrap my mind around it, nor can I absorb the reality of what has actually happened.

Disgusted by the scrambled up colors of the sky, reminding me of the word diarrhea you use to spew, I tear up a little remembering the moments we use to share.

Feeling nauseous, the purged up sky seems to drown my vision, clouding up my mind.

Red, orange, yellow, blue.

Crumpled before my eyes, I face palm myself.

I can't take this, too much, too much thoughts of you, it makes me feel so isolated.

why did you have to go the way you went?

I have been able to forgive myself for every thing that has happened.

I want to free myself from everything and everything, and yet there is no one else to blame but myself.

Both parties? maybe. You? never.

I have felt much hatred and disgust for myself, for letting this happen to you.

Saving myself was on my mind, self-pity was inevitable, and because of my own ignorance and self mutilation, everything else fell apart.

ah, but what can self pity bring us?

Nothing but self mutilation.

....i'm lost for words for myself.

xx