And The Urge To Write Begins at 4.32
by: naekole


I hate this sensation, this feeling, this course and route that I somehow seem to be taking.
The flow of ideas course my mind whenever the sun is nearly up, as well as the clear fact that I have continuous work to do.

The screen is flickering bright, the air conditioner is blasting icicles, Ben Burnley is stealing my mind with his voice, it gives me no real will to actually work at this ghastly hour.

But hey, it is to help mama.


While watching Pushing Daises during my break, Olive Snook (a character) questioned a traveling salesman about if you are unable to hold the person whom you love most, to feel or kiss them, would you not just move on, forward to another who loves you in return?


The salesman, Fredo, answered that if he loved her, even if he would not be able to touch her, he will regain strength from her beauty, and if he went blind, he would gain his strength from her voice, for he, at the end of the day, loves her.


It made me see, things that maybe some people might not.
And it made me realize something I should have.

I learn something from this series, actually, a lot from this television series.

It may not be as good as House (but of course), or as successful as Heroes, or even as thrilling as Supernatural, but most television series teaches us something, if we actually sit down and think about it.


Pushing Daisies taught me about how we should appreciate those that we love, and those that we have around us, and spend every second as it were our last.

And how love does not depend on anything entirely physical.

Time is of essence when it comes to love, but sometimes, time can be your enemy.
Time may cause you to realize what you've lost in life, but if you're lucky, it may show you what you've gained in exchange.

It is all actually very highly contradicting.


In the end of the day, we must cherish each moment we have, like it were our last, but never rush everything, because sometimes, it is better to wait.


Do excuse my retarded writing, it is 4.59 after all.


xx

I Wanna Be A Rockstar
by: naekole


Looking back at the previous posts that I have written, I sound either pretty pathetic, or pretty aggressive. I was considered quite bitchy, and some of my posts are very, disturbing as I may see it.

Either that, or I'm just running out of material.


yeap.....im running out of material.


So lately, I've been considering about getting a new camera.
(not because everyone has a new one)

However, I am struck by a dilemma.

Should I either get a DSLR, an expensive camera that will last me with its memory stick,
or,
a lomography camera, either a Diana F+ or Lubitel 2 with a Ringflash?


I honestly feel, nothing will be able to compare with the ability of taking a photograph and not having the privilege to delete and retake.
Nothing will be able to beat the experience of having an instant camera, taking a photograph, stopping time for that second, and having it come out.
Nothing will be able to beat the money you're going to spend on films, and having to see the development on how things are going to turn out in the end.


I think, I'll go with either Diana F+ or Lubitel 2.


which do you think is more awesome?

xx

Stolen from a November Post
by: naekole


Remember I once said;

i cant stop loving. i cant stop loving.
i cant stop praying. i cant stop staring.
i cant stop dreaming. i cant stop hoping.
i cant stop thinking, i cant stop smoking.
i cant stop crying, i cant stop hurting.
i cant stop wondering, i cant stop.
i cant stop being in denial.
i cant stop screaming.
i cant stop hurting.
i cant stop lying.
i cant stop it.
i cant stop.
i cant.
i.

However, babe,
you've made me feel..

loved.
special.
wanted.
trusted.
appreciated.
cared.
secure.
happy.
truthful.
honored.
missed.
cherished.
active.
hyper.
cheerful.
loved.
warm.
successful.
achieved.
restless.
healthy.
close.
loved.


babe,
you made this, nobody, a somebody, again.


i love you.

for loving me.

xx

Insanity Strikes The Dead Author
by : naekole


Insanity, inspired by The Soloist, written by Steve Lopez, the book isn't finished.
I curl up with the book next to a hot cup of Nescafe, as the rain drizzles on.

Tempted to light, I resist, and realize I am becoming more like you during my free time.

I grow with this curiosity for society and what the are offering to me.

Closing the book, I move towards the laptop and try to gather my thoughts together.
Words, after words, ideas after ideas, bursting like a juice filled lollipop exploding into your mouth, oozing with curiosity of flavors, colors and satisfaction.

I realize my dreams to become a photographer, a model, a figure of power, a mother, a business woman, an entrepreneur, all flashes by as lies and despair.
What drives an individual? Dreams.

I really am unsure about certain things, I worry about things that are unlikely to happen, and I think about problems that may surface or never ever occur.
What is wrong with me?

I think and think, as my hair turns gray on my balding head.
and just like that, 30 years have passed, and I grow old.


I sit here wondering, is worrying really the key, are dreams really the drive to achieve goals, who are we, what are we, to arrogantly scoff those less fortunate, and what is the drive to survive?


I ramble on of pointless things, and listen to Rise Against, reading a book about humanity.
I think hard....

"Although we have no obligations, to stay alive"
"Deep inside these burning buildings, Voices die to be heard"
"Don’t hold me up now, I can stand my own ground"
"I searched for love in an empty world but all I found was hate"
"Not a day goes by that I don’t feel this burn"

The lyrics of Rise Against, touch me, move me, as well as the purpose of The Soloist.

I realize, there is so much one person can do, how much one person can change.

I listen to this music, and read these words, I am moved, and motivated.


I, as a human being of this earth that wishes to do whatever I can in my power, want a change.



xx

I Wrote This Song, About March.
by : naekole


I am finally done with all my papers, and I feel this, sudden wave of...boredom, hitting my face.

I just realized, without the exams, I am about to be confined to home, for a very very long time.
I need to start a list of things to do, and actually do them this time.


The first thing on my list is to get Penang and Singapore out of the way.
Tickets to Singapore are booked, Penang hotels are booked, and I'll be away!

I'mma ready for holidays :)

//


I have a couple of things, hopefully lined up for the holidays.

First of all, design, art, and photography for Crossing Boundaries.
I need to stock up on batteries, art materials, and paint. :)

Secondly, get a part time job.
I just need a simple one to pay up for the money that I owe.
So much to pay, so little time.

Third-ly-ish, get back to Camp5 and start working out.
I need to start climbing again, to stay fit, and to make sure that at least I still have what it takes to Boulder.

.....

well, that is it so far :)

I got 3 things, that I need to nail by the end of Summer. :)
I wanna do a food tour, with someone very special ;)

//

Deep inside these burning buildings
Voices die to be heard
Years we spent teaching a lesson
We ourselves had never learned

And if strength is born from heartbreak
Then mountains I could move
And if walls could speak I’d pray
That they would tell me what to do

If you see me, please just walk on by, walk on by
Forget my name and I’ll forget it too
(Simple lives)
Failed attempts at living simple lives, simple lives,
Are what keep me coming back to you.

No signs of life here, save the embers, the occasional flame
We know the way but can’t remember, conception to the grave
Shout confessions from the greatest heights, where no one can hear
All my fears, my insecurities are falling like tears

If you see me, please just walk on by, walk on by
Forget my name and I’ll forget it too
(Simple lives)
Failed attempts at living simple lives, simple lives,
Are what keep me coming back to you.

The drones all slave away
They’re working overtime
They serve a faceless queen
They never question why
Disciples of a god
(I won’t come back!)
That neither lives nor breathes
(I won’t come back!)
But we have bills to pay,
Yeah we have mouths to feed!
(I won’t come back!)
I won’t change back!

And if you see me, please just walk on by, walk on by
Forget my name and I’ll forget it too
(Simple lives)
Failed attempts at living simple lives, simple lives,
Are what keep me coming back to you.

I'm coming back to you...



xx

"Had Enough", says Breaking Benjamin
by: naekole

Milk it for all it's worth.
Make sure you get there first.
The apple of your eye.
The rotten core inside.
We are all prisoners.
Things couldn't get much worse.
I've had it up to here, you know your end is near.

[Chorus:]
You had to have it all,
Well have you had enough?
You greedy little bastard,
You will get what you deserve.
When all is said and done,
I will be the one to leave you in the misery and hate what you've become.

Intoxicated eyes, no longer live that life.
You should have learned by now, I'll burn this whole world down.
I need some peace of mind, no fear of what's behind.
You think you've won this fight, you've only lost your mind.

[Chorus:]
You had to have it all,
Well have you had enough?
You greedy little bastard,
You will get what you deserve.
When all is said and done,
I will be the one to leave you in the misery and hate what you've become.

Hold me down (I will live again)
Pull me out (I will break it in)
Hold me down (better in the end)
Hold me down.

[Chorus]
You had to have it all,
Well have you had enough?
You greedy little bastard,
You will get what you deserve.
When all is said and done,
I will be the one to leave you in the misery and hate what you've become.

Heaven help you.

xx

Buried Under This Rubble
by : naekole


I got hit by this giant ball of stress and expectations.
I can't dig my way out, well, not just yet at least.

I think I personally would like to stay under this rubble a little while longer.

It is rather depressing to be unable to control most of your emotions, and right now, a little bit of repressed hate is seeping out due to the amount of shit the lecturers and tutors are giving me, the expectations of family and friends, and the disappointment that may occur if I fail myself.

I feel this weight, that is in need to be lifted, but hey, again, I think I'll stay down here a little longer, to realize, I need that to push myself a little further.

//

With broken ribs piercing into my lungs and heart,
Crushed intestines, punctured organs, where do I start?
To begin to tell you the tale of never ending turns,
And a lesson, I admit, a lesson well learned.

I stole your breathe, your touch, your heart,
Slowly I dug in and ripped your chest apart,
I devour whats left, that trust that you gave,
And it is you who in the end who really needs to be saved.

I step on you once, and I crushed you twice,
Three times the charm so you'd never suffice,
I fallen in love again, and it will never be you,
Cause you were the one who acted like an utter fool.

Speak words of thy venom, so unconsciously true,
But beware who you're spitting those bitter words to,
With senseless truth and doings, that bring upon myself,
Too much love like that will jeopardize your health,

So say goodbye to those thoughts that you once had before,
Because now is the time that I'll show you the door,
So don't turn around, and wished I was yours to keep,
Just keep walking on, and don't look back, you creep.

Now say goodbye and stutter, words of lies,
For this is the time for your final goodbye,
Get out for good, and curl up alone in bed,
And yes, I will forever be that monster in your head.

//

goodbye

HIATUS till PSYCH is over.

xx